Life with HLHS
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Finding Out

When my husband and I met at my work parking lot to head over to the hospital for our level II ultrasound, we were excited first time parents, anticipating seeing our precious bundle. We had decided not to find out the gender of the baby and wait for that moment the baby arrived into this world. Even though months prior we had experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage, we never thought for a moment about having a child with anything wrong. The technician did her job of scanning the fetus, showing us the different parts she knew we wanted to see, but not the part we did not want to see, and getting measurements. She never made any indication that there was anything wrong and since we had never done this before we didn't know what to expect. She then brought in the obstetrician to have a look. We got the usual black and white photos of our baby, then were asked to meet with the doctor in an office. Still all routine as far as we were aware. Then came the bombshell. We were told that our baby appeared to have a problem with its heart, but to be certain they wanted us to go see a pediatric cardiologist. The doctor then moved the boxes of tissues closer to the corner of the desk as she saw the tears begin to roll from my eyes. She recommended that we get an amniosentesis, to see if there were any chromosonal issues wrong with the baby as well. So there I lay, still as a statue, while they inserted the long needle into my stomach. Either it didn't really hurt or I was just numb from hearing that something could be terribly wrong with my baby. My husband drove me back to work and went inside to tell them I would not be returning that day per the doctors orders. I went home and laid still on the couch, and I cried. 

I'm not exactly certain of the time frame we needed to wait to get in to see the pediatric cardiologist, but at most it was a week. I prayed so much prior to that appointment, hoping the level II was inaccurate. It was an hour drive to the doctors office and I tried to stay positive and not cry. We were led into the exam room where a technician began scanning my stomach and the little peanut inside. It must have taken over an hour, both the technician and the pediatric cardiologist taking turns scanning. The terms they used were foreign to my husband and I but we had a gut wrenching feeling it meant there was something going on there, but what. Once again we were led into an office, scarey, very scarey. It's a feeling of doom. A sickness to your stomach. A warm feeling taking over your body. The doctor, Dr Bhat, who to this day is still Kacy's cardiologist, sat us down, pulled out a napkin, and started to describe and draw our child's heart defect. It was called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. We were then given our list of options. We left his office, tears streaming down our eyes, sobbing, unsure of what decision to make. This seemed an awful lot to bear.  

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